So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
