Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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