Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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