Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
