Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dear god my vagina.
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