At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
