I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
