I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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