Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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