Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
