I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
