And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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