SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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