so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then he peed in my hair
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