Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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