hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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