ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
pop tarts are not kleenex
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
