I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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