We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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