I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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