We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she looked like the before picture.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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