WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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