We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
