Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
