I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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