I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
