she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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