That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
