Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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