you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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