Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
