he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
