420 ftw
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
