I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize