How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
