You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
