If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
