i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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