just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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