Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
