The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
