The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
