She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
