his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
