Your dad touched me again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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