i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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