I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
