I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she peed on how many people?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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