My first STD was from a foam party
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
