Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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