you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
