DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
