I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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