after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
