My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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