kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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