You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
