here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Acid is not a monday night drug
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
