I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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