U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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