I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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