try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
