I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
