Apparently you make a good broom.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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