biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
