Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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